Archive for the ‘Fun with Noah’ Category
I was surprised to find myself immersed in an online poker game last night. When I say immersed, I mean that I had the crazed-eye-maniacal-don’t-bother-me look and was neglecting my children who were starving and waiting patiently for dinner (“Go eat a Pop Tart and be quiet! Mommy is concentrating!”)
Lemme ’splain:
I’ve always enjoyed playing card games and board games. Rummy Royal and Tripoli are some of my faves (they are similar in play). We lived in Germany when I was younger and one day my mom and I were bored to tears. We decided to look up “card games” in our Encyclopedia Britannica. We found instructions on how to play lots of new games. Nothing like playing cards for hours on a rainy afternoon!
Poker was never a game I got into though. I liked trying to collect the different hands (and still love to play Yahtzee based on this concept!) but found it frustrating that I was limited in the way cards were dealt and used. I didn’t know the basics behind the betting either and just kept betting money based on whims.
Today poker brings to mind the painting of Dogs Playing Poker or men in suits drinking martinis and smoking cigars in a back room with mafia-style security guards posted at the doors. Oh, that and people losing all of their money and – in even more extreme desperation – their kids’ college funds. Being on a tight budget, gambling and playing poker has never interested me.
But Noah, my very own Hotty-McHotterson, loves the game, so it was only natural for me to give it a shot so we could enjoy it together.
Now let me tell you the difference between me and my awesome man Noah when it comes to poker:
Him: He loves to play poker. He plays online. He’s been to Vegas. He owns BOOKS about poker.
Me: I know the difference between clubs and spades.
A few weeks ago I played Noah a few rounds of poker here at the house. Wow was it hard. It wasn’t the “start off with 5 cards and then you get as many as you want until someone gets a winning hand” sort of poker that I played as a kid.
Noooo. I got TWO cards and THEN had to put in chips just to stay in the game. What? How on earth can I bet on something I can’t even see? LAME.
I played a few rounds and lost quite miserably. (I guess that the fact that I can’t even shuffle a deck of cards properly should be a big sign that I’m card game impaired.)
I was surprised when a few days later Noah wanted me to play some poker with him online. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to help me learn and improve my skills or if he wanted to laugh at me and make fun of me.
We found a website with fun graphics and lots of rooms to play in. I got to pick out an avatar who has way better hair than me and waaay bigger boobs. (Not sure who was more happy about that, me or Noah.) Let the games begin!
If you are guessing that I lost every game, you are right.
I sorta had fun near the end once I got the hang of basing the rest of my game on the first two cards dealt. Apparently there are ten possible pairs of cards to start off with that raise your chances of winning a hand. They’re supposed to give you an idea of how successful you can be in the rest of the game. I was hardly dealt such pairs and ended up folding more than a laundry service worker.
So back to last night: I decided I’d go play online by myself since Noah was busy. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing. It’s scary stuff playing against a stranger who may or may not be way better than you! But soon, betting some of my $1,000 in virtual poker chips became a rush beaten only by anticipation of a new Glee episode.
It was me and this guy from Italy (his avatar looks a lot like Sean Connery as James Bond complete with a martini and sexy cocked eyebrow) whose only chat responses were smiley faces.
We were head to head the first few rounds: I’d win, he’d win, I’d fold, he’d fold. But then it happened: A PAIR OF ACES! WHOOOO! I GOT A PAIR OF ACES! I knew I would have a good hand.
“Hahaha!” I cried out loud, yelling at Signore Italiano. “I have ACES! You will LOSE!” I waited with anticipation as the virtual dealer flipped out the remaining cards.
“OMG!” I screamed as another ace made its way to the table (and my children cowered in fear in the corner while nibbling on their meager supper of Pop Tarts). “TRIPLE ACES! MINE! MINE! YOUR MONEY IS ALL MINE!” I was happy that I’d soon be doubling up on my chips. I didn’t pay attention to (and didn’t care) what the other two cards were. I got excited and went “ALL IN.” For you poker virgins that means you are betting all of your chips that you have the best hand. I sat greedily waiting to snatch up my winnings.
But wait, what the… hey! Why are all the chips going to Signore!? Hey! HEY COMPUTER ERROR! NO, WAIT! STOP!!
I lost the hand? He beat my three aces!?!?!?!
Oh. Apparently he had a full house. And that beats three of a kind, even aces.
Well that was it. I was done. Beaten. I felt like I’d just lost a million dollars. All I really lost was a few minutes of my time and probably some of my kids’ respect but hey, it was fun while it lasted.
I’m trying to decide if I should play online again or not. Maybe I’ll stick to playing with Noah, although I’m not sure how healthy it is for our relationship. A “oh nice play honey” quickly turns into “I hate you @$!#^% )*^$@”
We could, however, always try that fun variation of poker with MUCH higher stakes: the kind that leave you wishing you’d worn LOTS of clothing layers or that you’d turned the heat up in your chilly house. *cough cough wink wink nudge nuge*