Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ Category
If you don’t know by now, I’ve been dealing with some relationship issues the past few days, weeks, months. =)
See, I met this amazing guy. I was in a lonely time in my life and was praying, hoping for someone to come along and sweep me off of my feet. By chance I met up with my downstairs neighbor who’d lived below me for several months and don’t you know, we hit it off.
I don’t just mean we hit it off as in “wow what a great time, hope we hang out again soon” sort of way. No no no, I mean we were inseparable for months, doing everything together. We had great dates, great long deep conversations about life and love and everything in-between. Even a trip to the grocery store was fun together. He’s a perfect fit for me: we never argue, he’s romantic and considerate (did I mention he’s an amazing kisser!?), he’s handsome and funny and I’ve never been this in-love (excluding how I feel about David Boreanaz but that’s different) and I’ve never been in this great or healthy of a relationship for this long.
So why on earth am I talking break-up with this Mr. Perfect!? Well, it’s because I want to get married and have one more little baby before too long. And, while Mr. Perfect may want that one day, it’s not any time soon. As in, maybe late this century. It doesn’t help that I’m already blessed with two little offspring which likely causes him a little panic as if I’m looking for a new dad for my kids.
I get that. I respect that. And I would never, ever force him into something he wasn’t ready for, or didn’t want. I remember when I met my now ex-husband he had two kids and was divorced. I can’t say I’m without empathy for Mr. Perfect.
That actually isn’t the point here. I have heard from many a-friends over the past three weeks seeking relationship advice. Not sure why they are coming to me, but hey it’s a girl’s duty to help her girlfriends out, right?
There seems to be a problem and it’s impacting almost every single one of my single girlfriends in the world. “I just want to get married, and settle down.” Okay, nothing wrong with that, right?
So why is it, then, that SO MANY of today’s available guys are declaring “we’re breaking up because she wants to get married someday.”
Yeah, so what? Now, I’m not talking about the guy who doesn’t want to marry the chick he’s only been dating for a few weeks, or the guy who is trying to finish college and start a career so he can provide for a family someday in the future. I’m talking about the guys who act like getting married is a terrible, horrible panic-inducing thought.
Call it commitment issues, call it being afraid of never being able to ogle at a strippers boobies at a birthday celebration, call it whatever you want. I just think we should call it something.
When I was growing up, I was reading books and watching movies that all had one theme in common: young girl wants love, finds love, marries man of her dreams. I was told there was someone out there just for me, and one day we’d meet and get married and have cute little babies. So I waited for that. Waited and waited and waited. And when Hitler my ex came along, I’d waited for so long that when someone came along who was a potential, I settled on him thinking no one else was coming and he’d do. (Bad idea).
But back to my whining. We girls grow up thinking we’re going to get married some day. But it seems that men are more and more afraid of marriage. I can’t say that I blame them with ridiculous divorce rates like 1 of every 2 marriages end in divorce. Disheartening indeed.
So guys, really, what is it? Now, don’t tell me you are backing off from the girls are badgering you to get married. I’m not looking for the why behind THAT sort of refusal. I’d likely tell you to run the other way – and fast – if a girl is truly pressuring you or badgering you to jump into a lifelong committment way too soon.
What I AM looking for is:
why do guys make girls feel bad for even wanting to get married? We get made fun of for looking at the pretty sparkly dresses or pretty rings, thinking about all the fantasies we’d had since we were little girls of being THAT girl on her wedding day. Why is that a bad thing?
Why do you want to run away the moment a girl admits “Well, yeah I have always wanted to get married and have a family and a pretty little house.” She never said WITH YOU so if it’s in the conversation, why do you feel like she’s sinking her talons into you!?
I’m wondering if it’s because there are so many single parent families out there that boys and girls are growing up thinking being single is how to do things. (Note: don’t get me wrong, PLEASE. There isn’t anything wrong with being single (hello, I’m single) and a big fat medal is awarded by me to every single single-parent out there because you are truly saints).
So tell me what you all think. Do women over-think, over-plan for the day of her dreams? Should we all just forget about finding Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect and focus on our careers, our homes, our dogs? Should women tell a man straight up: Hey, I want to get married at some point. Not today, maybe not to you, but I want you to know that I’m dating with the intent of finding someone I’m compatible with, in hopes that the relationship could lead to something deeper, longer lasting. And if this doesn’t go anywhere, I’m cool with that. But if we end up being head-over-heels in love, well I’d like to hope you would feel the same way about wanting to be with me forever as I do with you.”
Be nice with comments. And, for the record, Mr. Perfect is right in how he feels right now, and this blog has nothing to do with whether or not he wants to hang out with me for forever. 
On surviving a break-up: it’s possible.
Posted by: mswiggie
February 26th, 2010 >> Breaking Up =(, Relationships
It’s happened to all of us I’m sure: breaking-up. I broke up with my first beau in kindergarten, but we exchanged fat pencils and were still friends after all was said and done. My most recent (and probably most painful) just happened within a week.
So, how ’bout you? Gotta make it through a tough break-up? It’s possible to do, even though right now you probably feel like climbing into a hole and crying your eyes out for the rest of your life. I know I do.
Just take a deep breath and from here on out think with your head more than you think with your heart. And maybe take in a little of what I have to say.
First of all, remember that a relationship – romantic or otherwise – is based on emotions. It only stands to reason that all of the emotional buildup and bliss and romantic giddy feelings leading to your relationship has to come down the other side of the hill. It’s painful, heart-wrenching, and it hurts oh-so-bad. This is one of the times in life where you really have to buckle down, prepare yourself for the torrent of emotions that are going to come up (and may be worse on some days more than others). I gotta repeat a concept for you here: you absolutely have GOT to do your best to think everything through with your head to get through this! You cannot rely on emotions to define your reality.
The next important thing to remember is this: be mature about the break-up. Sure, your feelings are probably hurt. You may be really mad at your new ‘ex’. But listen: it wasn’t so long ago that you loved this person (and probably still do). Remember the good things about your ex, the things that made you enjoy their company and your relationships. Don’t focus on how or why you broke up. The fact is, none of those things matter now as you walk through this initial phase of your break-up. Honestly, thinking about the negatives will only hurt you and draw out the process. Trying to figure out the why or the how of the breakup could set you back: you will want to try to get him or her back even though you’ve reached the conclusion that you shouldn’t be together, or you may manipulate your ex to take you back just so you don’t have to experience this pain (or allow yourself to be manipulated!).
Along the lines of being mature, don’t bad-mouth your ex, regardless of what he or she has done. Take the higher road and leave it be. Any potential future dates don’t want to hear you badmouth your current ex. He or she may take that as a big red flag. Avoid the drama, let it go. Stop contacting your ex, even if it’s an amicable split. This doesn’t have to be permanent, but you really do need a few days to get all of these emotions out of your system!
And lastly, take some time to let those emotions out. Cry a few nights in a row, be sad about whatever you want to be sad about: the loss of the relationship, loss of a friendship, all the good memories you had. You may feel like you’ll never love anyone this much ever again. You may feel rejected, betrayed, angry. Allow each emotion to surface, take a look at why you think you’re experiencing it, and let it be for a few minutes. Trying to stuff your emotions to just move on may help you for the short-term, but in the long-run it will reach a potentially explosive level and you might find yourself having a melt-down in the middle of the grocery store or at work.
Oh there’s so much about life that is good and bad. Take the bad in stride and look for what else is out there that is good. More on that in follow-up posts.
Sad today? Find something that brings you joy and go do it. Have lunch with a friend, do some retail therapy, go for a jog. Make sure it’s something that you really enjoy and can do without pining or wistful thinking.
*hugs*
Yeah, it’s hard to do. I mentioned that in my last post. I’ve been listening to break-up songs all morning and I’m finding that I relate to a lot of the emotions and feelings written into the songs, but not always the situation behind the meaning of the song. In other words, many of those tortured-souls wrote about the loss of love usually because someone cheated or left them or just went plumb-crazy.
My situation is different. I *love* my newly “ex” ex-boyfriend. As in, a lot. And unfortunately for both of us, he still loves me too.
You know that Shakespearean phrase “star-crossed lovers”??? Look it up in the dictionary, our picture is there next to it.
Let me tell you a little about this awesome ex of mine: he’s awesome. He’s adorable. He’s thoughtful and romantic and damn funny. I’ve dated him longer than I’ve dated anyone else in my life, and I’ve had beautiful, wonderful experiences with him that I’ve not had with anyone else. Ever.
You’re probably wondering “What the heck! Don’t break up! True love is hard to find! Make it work! Sacrifice for it! Do anything for it! Too many people are lonely and looking for love and you found the real deal!? You are an idiot to walk away!!!”
I’m thinking the same thing, trust me. But don’t forget that star-crossed thingie. The cheated by the cosmos, God played a cruel trick on us realization that we’ve both had on-and-off the past few months.
See, this awesome guy is quite a bit younger than me (hold off on the cougar jokes. I’m sensitive right now). He’s not been married before and is currently enjoying his life as a successful entrepreneur working on his own terms, going out when he wants, where he wants, spending money on what he wants, when he wants.
Me? Single mom of two. That should stir up enough stereotypes for you to now say “Oh, I get it.” Don’t get me wrong, my kids are GOOD KIDS. They’re well behaved, respectful, empathetic and good kids. But they’re still kids which means they demand a lot of energy, attention and focus. So when an awesome guy is dating an awesome gal who is also a mom, he’s gotta be ready and willing to share the attention, love and focus.
Awesome ex guy has done a great job of that, really. Especially since he’s never really hung out around kids. He’s been open and honest with me at every step of the way and we’ve worked so hard to tweak things here and there to make sure everyone all around is happy and feeling like they’re getting their fair share of the mom/girlfriend attention.
But it all comes down to this: I don’t want to just date people for the next (insert unknown number of weeks, months or years here). While I’m not looking for a new dad for my kids (Lord knows I’ve spend their entire lives caring for them solo, and I can do it all by myself tyvm) I do want someone who at least GETS kids, and is okay that sometimes I can’t be available to them because I have a kid puking on me or needing help with homework or just needs some extra mom time because of a bad day.
We went into this relationship knowing what each other wanted: me, to settle down at some point, maybe have one more little bundle of joy in a loving, caring, secure relationship and experience parenting with a partner. Him: well those sorts of things aren’t out of the question, but they aren’t something he wants to happen in the next 5-10 years.
I sort of realized that things needed to come to a halt sooner rather than later this past Superbowl Sunday. It was a catastrophe of the most uncomfortable proportions that made me realize that I can’t always be me and the kids and my guy, that I have to (more often than not) put them in the background, or the bottom of the totem pole, to give 100% to this relationship. It made me feel like I had to be two people: Victoria the girlfriend and Victoria the mom.
Don’t get me wrong: us women SHOULD keep that separate ‘identity’ for times we’re with our spouses or partners otherwise we may as well wipe their bottoms, too. What I’m talking about here is being TWO different people and the two aren’t allowed to mingle or meet. It’s hard enough to switch gears after a day of working, mothering, cooking and cleaning and then be cute and energetic in a relationship. It’s not just single moms that struggle with burnout at the end of the day, my married gal-pals do, too.
Anyhoo. it’s an impossible situation. One of us has to give up and sacrifice BIG time: he’d have to give up his single carefree days of bachelorhood. Me: I’d have to wait 5-10 years to get married or maybe have a baby IF we stayed together that long, and by that time I don’t know that I’d be able to or want to anymore.
So you see, it’s just not gonna work out without some major undertakings that neither of us are 100% sold on doing. While I’d do just about anything for the awesome ex, I don’t know if I could give up ME. And I don’t want to ask him to give up, well, HIM.
Sucks.
Would you rather… (Love and relationships edition)
Posted by: mswiggie
February 23rd, 2010 >> Ramblings, Relationships
So, let’s say you are dating someone who you’ve been with for almost a year. And one sad day you both realize that while you truly and honestly love each other, your relationship just won’t work out and you both decide to call it quits.
But breaking up IS hard to do you know – they write songs about it all the time – and you’re no exception to the rule. It seems silly to break up JUST because things won’t work out in the next year or two for you (because you are in different stages of life and you aren’t both going in the same direction) but the sacrifice either one of you would have to make to keep it together would just be hurtful in the long-run.
Do you cut it off cold turkey? Wean off your relationship (especially if you are used to hanging out every single day/night!) or just push through until someone else comes along?
Help a friend out. What’s your advice?
The mention of NASCAR has always brought images to my mind of overweight wearing jeans and cut-off flannel shirts over white wife-beater shirts, and bleached-blonde chicks in cut-off shorts and cut-off shirts. And they are all wearing beer-hats. And drinking beer with a wad of chewing tobacco between their lower lip and gums while discussing what to eat for dinner at “mom’n ‘em’s” tonight.
However, Mr. Man is a big fanboy of cars – especially the shiny fast ones. Hey, he owns a hot red Lotus, what can I say? He definitely isn’t the beer-swigging red-neck I associate with NASCAR, so when he mentioned he was watching a race and invited me to watch it on his big screen, I thought maybe it would be something akin to the Formula One race in Monaco. Nope. It was NASCAR.
I gave it a fair shot though, and soon found myself rooting for the adorable Joey Logano, 19-year old racer from North Carolina. I was thrilled that at such a young age, he found himself living out his dream and competing with the likes of the Petty and Busch families.
But back to Target.
Watching a NASCAR race became a bit of a routine for us and we’d get together, turn the volume up loud so we could hear the revving of the engines, and we’d hope for a good crash – one in which nobody was hurt of course.
Eventually I got my kids in on the action and, much to my surprise, my 10-year old daughter was an instant fan. She picked Jimmy Johnson to be the winner in the race we were watching and sure enough: Johnson won. He won every race she watched as a matter-of-fact. (Next season I may have her watch again while we place bets online for her winning pics.)(If you want insider information contact me and we’ll work out a little $$ deal.)
But disaster struck and some sort of drama started up between the driver of the Target car, Juan Pablo Montoya. Now, I didn’t follow it closely enough to know, but according to Miss NASCAR herself, Montoya ran several drivers off the road including my precious Joey and her precious Jimmy.
So we’re driving to school this morning, talking about what to do in the summertime when vacation hits. We thought it would be fun to see a NASCAR race. Our conversation took a quick turn and went something like this:
Mom (that’s me): Oh, hey, I need to stop and get you a tri-fold board for your science fair project. I tried Wal-Mart but they didn’t have it, so I’ll try another store today.
Miss NASCAR (10-year old daugther): Oh thank you mommy! You can find one anywhere. Try Office Depot or Office Max (apparently she has insider information on office supplies, too). Oh, just DO NOT SHOP AT TARGET! NO! NOT AT ALL!
Mom: No Target? Why? I like Target! What is wrong with Target?
Miss NASCAR: (hissing dramatically) Montoya!
I pondered telling her the evils of Wal-Mart that lots of people use as their reasoning to boycott the store, but we shop there often for some things we just know are much cheaper. Surely those reasons are way more legit than someone bumping the back of your car while going 200+ MPH on a tight-cornered racetrack.
Miss NASCAR: (hissing again with much more dramatic flair, even better than Shatner’s performance in Star Trek when shouting “KAHN!!”: MONTOYAAAAAAH!
Mom: I’ll skip Target, but just for today. That’ll show them.
She seemed satisfied and started chatting about some boy in her class that she has a crush on. Funny girl.
I’m doing it again. I’m jumping on the bandwagon of the latest trending topic on Twitter: Pat Robertson. I should know better than to talk politics or religion, but I’m impacted by this story in two ways: one, I’ve been to Haiti and found the people there lovely and enchanting although living in extreme poverty. Two, I’m a Christian.
Let me stop there to say I am embarrassed by Robertson’s comments regarding Haiti. You know, if he’d been giving a history lesson and telling the story of this dude who wanted to save Haiti from Napoleon so he sold his soul to the devil and just left it at that, I’d be okay. I thought it was a rather interesting story, one akin to Icharus wanting wings or Zeus sleeping around on Hera. Well, wrong era wrong continent but go with me here. While he didn’t right out say it, it appears he’s intimating that Haiti is cursed (by God I’m guessing) and that this earthquake is a result of said curse.
Having been to Haiti, I can say that it would indeed be easy to say the country is “cursed” (and by that I do not mean on God’s list of countries to smite in 2010). The people are incredibly poor there. Poor isn’t even a good word to use! The country is brown and dusty – animals roam the streets, dirty water puddles on the corners tainted by urine and feces, and children play right.there. There’s no topsoil in Haiti, no system for water (it’s caught in cisterns when (if) it rains) and when we were there, electricity only existed for about two hours a day, IF you were lucky.
And, sure enough, an hour crossing the Haitian border to the Dominican Republic is like stepping through the looking-glass: suddenly there’s lush green foliage, plants, flowers, grass, waterfalls, it’s a veritable land of plenty.
But back to Robertson.
I’m a Christian. Have been my whole life. I remember my mom watching Robertson when I was younger. I never minded him much until my adult life when many Christian leaders had their own failings as humans: affairs, homosexual relationships, embezzelment, etc. Wow, these are people just like me, making mistakes. These same people who represented Christianity to the world because of their far reaching programs and television shows.
Here’s what it comes down to for ME, in my OWN personal opinion.
Pat Robertson should have used his airtime to encourage Christians, Bhuddists, Muslims, Athiests humans to pray for, help, donate, send aid to Haiti.
If Pat Robertson wants this earthquake to truly be a “blessing in disguise” then he needs to not make harsh comments.
Cause hey, I’m just SURE that the people of Haiti will be LINING UP and coming in DROVES to turn Christian and follow this God who smited them, killing men women and little babies. After all, who doesn’t want to follow THAT God?
*hem*
Dear Haitians et. al:
I’m sorry that Pat Robertson made comments that make the rest of us Christians appear to be simple-minded, hateful witch hunters. Apparently he forgot the words “God is loving, gracious, kind, slow to anger, patient, forgiving…” I’ll stop there cause you get the point. Please don’t judge the rest of us based on his personal opinions. I’m pretty sure this earthquake was caused by this thing called a fault line.
So tired of people using religion to make other people feel bad about themselves, to scare others into believing in God. I get that we Christians beleive if you don’t believe in Jesus then you’re condemned to eternal damnation in hell (insert warm fuzzy feelings here) but for the love of God – really – knock it the hell off. If we’d spend half the time helping others, showing true love and concern for our fellow humans then maybe people would think “Hey, Christians are pretty cool. They aren’t stuffy at all!”
I’m hoping to go on a mission trip to Haiti this summer, returning to the city I visited back in ‘95 or ‘96. I’m not going to do dramas in the street or preach to thousands hoping they will turn or burn.
Instead, I’m going to really do what Jesus would likely have done: get in with the people, the outcasts, the downtrodden, the hurting, the homeless, the orphaned, and I’m going to love them. Yep. Love love. Like, ooh here’s a hug. Or, hey, let me make dinner for this displaced family. How ’bout that?
And I’m not going to mention that these souls that they are cursed. I’m instead going to look at them like the people who were wonderfully and fearfully made. By God.
Now, make a comment, but BE NICE! If ya’ll start hatin then I’ma delete your comment. Or put a curse on you.
If you noticed that my blog title is a line from 2001: A Space Odyssey, chances are you’re probably a sci-fi fan, movie trivia buff, or a space fan. Or maybe you just have a really good memory. Anyhoo, it doesn’t really matter since I’m not talking about movies or 2001 or if you can recall what you had for lunch on Tuesday six weeks ago.
I’m talking about outer space today. After a few weeks of following @flyingjenny on Twitter, I’ve become reacquainted with that bigger-than-life world that is outer space and the magic that was “maybe one day I can go to space” that all children seem to have at one point in life.
I know I did. I don’t know when it started, but I’d guess it was when I was about 5 and used to stare up at the night sky while driving home in the evening. I loved to look at the moon and the stars and was frequently disappointed when we arrived home and it was time to go in to bed. I wished on stars ALL THE TIME, and one wish (for a dog) was actually granted. I used to imagine the twinkling of those stars was really a message to me, blinking and flashing in a secret code, whispering to me how great my life could be and all of the wonderful things that were in store for me.
My mother was very imaginative and when my brother and I were younger, we were often treated to a game of make-believe play acting. We loved pretending and sometimes our acting seemed real enough that if we lived in CS Lewis’ books, we definitely would have made it through the wardrobe.
My mom read to us for hours on end, introducing us to The Hobbit and classics by Austen when we were still not of school age. She’d give us little buttons or other trinkets to leave on the windowsill for a magical princess who rode on the back of birds. In exchange for our little gifts, she’d leave a nickel or dime. It was wondrous!
Now toss in some good churching: the kind that makes God seem as big as eternity and just as wonderful and bright as those tiny twinkling stars, send us off to school to learn about the world around us, and you have two kids who believe anything is possible in the great big world!
But back to outer space. I mentioned following @flyingjenny. (If you don’t, you should!) She posed the question: “What “engages” you and keeps you interested in space?” I knew what it was for me: it was the magic of kinderhood that keeps me interested in space: it’s still a great big old mystery, filled with all the exciting possibilities one could ever imagine. My reply to her: “The magic that was space as a child! Wondering if someday *I* could look down at earth from the stars! Still feel that way. =)”
Why that is was her response, and what got me thinking today. Why is it some of us grown-ups are still enchanted by space and others could care less? When I heard NASA would be stopping the shuttle program, I felt incredibly sad! It was my parent’s generation who experienced the first shuttle missions, the first landing on the moon, the first tragedies of space travel. It was my generation that experienced more shuttle missions, the heartache that was the Challenger and Columbia. I remember the space station news and all of the launches into space for more exploration, and that pesky Hubble telescope that cost SO MUCH money.
When I was about 10 or 11, I saw the movie Space Camp. Oh, how I wanted to go to space and look down upon my planet! I wanted to fly to the moon and back, and zoom to stars and distant galaxies. When I was 20, I spent my evenings in Haiti gazing up at the sky, a sky so clear that ’shooting stars’ flew overhead like ducks on a cold winter day and you could see satellites cross the sky.
But wait! I can’t forget the space movies and television shows! The encounters had by Kirk and Spock! The evil empire of Darth Vader and the dashing Han Solo! What about space is there for a girl not to love!?
I don’t know what the future holds for space exploration (heavens, many will say it isn’t important enough because we can’t take care of our issues here on our own planet, much less outer space). I don’t know if the economy will bounce back and there will yet again be money for NASA to blast off into the undiscovered vastness of space. I doubt I’ll ever be in a space shuttle or on a space mission, or be a space tourist before I die. Heck, the one time I wanted to see the shuttle take off when we lived in Florida it was canceled. Some hurricane or rain storm or something. So I may not even hear the thunder that is the rocket booster thingamajigs, and feel the powerful shaking of the land as the shuttle takes off.
But I can tell my children about space, the planets, the possibilities of places far beyond human knowledge. I can tell them that Pluto is still a planet in my book, and maybe someday there will be hundreds more planets found and named. Maybe one day they will fly up to the stars and gaze down upon planet Earth.
One thing has to be certain: there isn’t a human who was or is or will be alive who hasn’t at some point stopped and stared up, wondering what is up there, what is out there, what kind of greatness would it be to *be* there.
Oh, for all my love of space and fantasy, I still can’t figure out the constellations. They NEVER look to me like the shapes they’re supposed to be. =)
What about you? What makes you a space lover either as a kid or an adult!?
Another update:
Well, sad news. It’s been confirmed by the Brevard County Sheriff’s office that this little guy did indeed pass away. So if you want to help/can help this family, check out twitter feeds for more info, or go to: http://ilikeitfrantic.net/2009/12/prayers-and-hugs-for-the-ross-family/
UPDATE
Yeah, don’t be hating. Nothing wrong with wanting to help someone but checking it out first…
There’s NO local police reports, no local news story. I work for the media industry and there’s no way a story like this would go unreported. Seriously: mom alone, hubby overseas, baby dies?
I’m concerned. Super concerned. Not just because people are giving money to what*could* be a hoax (hey, I could be wrong) but because if this never happened, then a mother is speaking as though her son is dead. That’s terribly troubling. From a psychological standpoint, what does that say???
Original post:
Yes, I’m jumping on the bandwagon.
A few minutes ago I read a tweet by a kind person wishing well to someone who’d apparently lost a loved one. I clicked on the @name and discovered a few tweets by a lady whose son apparently drowned in Florida about 16 hours ago. Very sad, tragic, shocking indeed. But wait…something isn’t sitting right.
Who tweets “Please pray, 2 year old fell in a pool” followed up by odd posts with pictures. She never really says the child died, but it’s assumed based on the comments (read here: http://twitter.com/military_mom). Plus it’s foggy out – likely chilly. I lived in Fort Myers: WE NEVER went swimming in December. But okay, maybe she lives farther south. Maybe it’s a heated pool. But what’s with the chickens?
Now mind you, if I was at the hospital and was trying to get some prayers, yeah I may twitter. There’s something about the camaraderie of your friends online – whether you’ve met face to face or not. I tweeted when a beloved friend died a few months ago. But my baby?
Fog rolls in. Hour later baby fell in pool. At what point between trying to get him out, calling 911, police, fire, medical rolling on scene, attempting CPR… at what point did she tweet this prayer request?
Something just doesn’t seem right. There are no news reports at all. The AP Florida Bureau has nothing. Google search has nothing with the mom’s name or the child’s name.
Here’s what I think. Sympathies to this mom if this happened. I hope she catches a break from the nasty comments putting blame on her. If tweeting brings you comfort and some therapeutic value, keep doing it.
However, as someone who has worked in Law Enforcement, I suggest someone pay this home a visit and check on mom and baby. It isn’t impossible that maybe she’s just overwhelmed and needs help (her hubby is deployed right now). This could be a little shout-out for someone to help her out. It may be a big fat red flag that something isn’t right.
Looks like this gal is heading up the research department: http://twitter.com/madisonmcgraw. She’s catching flack too, but she has a point: just verify the story. (Check out her blog here: http://girlarsonist.blogspot.com/ )
If it’s true, I’m sure LOADS of people will flock to assist this family right away.
Either way, this woman needs help pronto: either her son just died OR something else is going on and she feels the need to lie and say he did.
Comments welcome but BE NICE.
Why my kids deserve medals
Posted by: mswiggie
December 9th, 2009 >> I Can Be Serious Too, You Know..., Rants
WAIT! DON’T GO!! I promise, this isn’t a blog about my perfect little angelic kids. It’s much more than that. Read on!
Ayup: I’m a single mom. I have two kids – 10 and 7. They’re great kids and I’m not just saying that because I’m their mom. They’re just mellow, chill, friendly little people. They slept through the night at 5 weeks, potty trained after a few days, never had the terrible twos, and get along rather well with each other even though they have occasional spats. But they don’t hit or bite each other and never throw tantrums. I’m truly blessed to have such great kids. They aren’t perfect though: my daughter has a drama streak in her that tells me she’ll likely win an Oscar before she’s 20. My son feels the need to police what all of the other children do, so I’m guessing a career in law enforcement is on his horizon.
I’ve been a ’single’ parent ever since my daughter (the 10 year old) was born. Even though I was married, I was alone the whole ride from all the doctor’s appointments and sonograms to the scary pre-term labor stints at the ER. As a matter of fact, it was during one of those ER trips – hooked up to IVs and heart rate monitors – that I realized my then-husband was a word I’d rather not use here. I’ll never forget the day he said to me “If you want so much attention, get a puppy.”
It was a few short months later that his true colors surfaced and I realized I’d married an abusive alcoholic. I was cut off from my family and friends, not allowed to have anyone over and my phone calls were monitored. I was working but barely made enough to cover the bills. His money went to buy vodka and cigars. Eventually I couldn’t keep up with my own car-payment and my car was repo’d and I was literally at his mercy to go anywhere or do anything.
I’ll keep a long story short so I don’t bore you with all the scary details. Let’s just say I’m surprised my life hasn’t been turned into a Lifetime Movie of the Week yet.
Yep, there were frightening times when I thought maybe I was going to die. But there were times of victory, too, like when I finally got a job waiting tables and saved enough money to move into my own little section 8 townhouse, two kids in tow. They shared a room and I slept on the couch, but oh the sweet bliss of not having to be afraid or upset when I went to bed!
I’m the mom who found bags of groceries by the front door and money in the mail to pay for electricity. I’m the mom who went to bed on Christmas Eve crying because I had no cookies or gifts for my little ones, only to be woken up by wonderful and amazing friends bearing BAGS of gifts, clothes and food for my children.
I’m the mom who left everything behind and took my two little children and left the state in a move of secrecy to get away from what was an increasingly volatile situation with my at-the-time husband. We lived in a little 5th wheel trailer in my uncle’s backyard, the two kids and I sleeping in a tiny bed together.
We eventually moved up to sleeping on a blow-up mattress in a garage, then sharing a room in a house, and eventually moving to Raleigh to live with my brother.
And now, 6 years later, I have my own place (my own bed!). The kids FINALLY each have their own bedrooms after moving again and again. We’ve been at the same school for three years, the same church. I’ve been trying to establish roots for my kids, security, stability, routine. So far so good.
I finally got a divorce a few years ago when a family member paid for an attorney so I could get custody of the kids. Last Christmas the kids flew out to Colorado to see their dad for the first time after 5 years. He finally started paying child support a year ago – almost consistently – until last month.
Last night he called me in a fury: he’d been arrested for not paying child support, for being in contempt of court (he won’t provide his employment information to the county).
The funny thing? It’s all MY fault that he’s suffering so much, and I need to close the child support case so they leave him alone (and of course he’ll still send me child support every month). If I don’t do this, then he’s flying to North Carolina to file for full custody.
Sure, no big deal. If you are reading this you are probably scoffing like I did.
But I’ve gone down a rabbit trail. I was telling you about my great kids: my kids who every Christmas, every birthday know that they won’t get the latest and greatest toy, they may get one or two little things but they never hold their breath. We see cool stuff at the store and they say things like “Hey this is sooooo cool! I wish I could have it!!!” Only to follow-up with a statement like “Oh, it’s too expensive. We probably can’t have it.”
Never snotty, never hateful, just resigned to the fact that our life is like “this.” They don’t complain when their pants get too small and ride up at the ankles, or when they have PB&J sandwiches for weeks on end for lunch, or Hamburger Helper for dinner again.
They didn’t complain when their dad gave them a Wii and an Xbox the day after Thanksgiving but said they had to leave them in Colorado. Instead they appreciate the fact they finally have one (I guess I’m the only one who thinks that was super mean to do to them…).
I’ve done my best to never say anything bad about their dad in front of them or to them. I make excuses for why he doesn’t send birthday cards or gifts, or why he never calls or writes or emails.
Yeah, it kills me to hear the kids say life is better at dad’s house where they have all this nice stuff like clothes that fit and a parent who is home all the time, and video games, and flat-screen tvs, and a cooler car.
But then they hug ME and say that those things don’t really matter in the long run, as long as we are together. *sniffle*
So, do you know a single mom? Kids of a single mom? Chances are they’ve all had a rough go at things. They are probably having a rough go at things right this minute. Maybe. Then again, you’ve got single moms who don’t sit around complaining all day and get up and get out there and try to make it better for themselves, for their kids.
We sacrifice as much as a married mom does, and sometimes a lot more. Our kids sacrifice too, and learn that life is just different for them without a dad around.
Sure, my case is extreme. My kids’ dad lives a billion miles away, not up the street. I have my brother to rely and count on (and oh is he ever there for us) but he only has so much he can give to.
It’s pretty much up to ME to continue to give the kids what they need most, and that is the character, integrity and strength to be good people even when in the face of adversity. To make good choices no matter how difficult that may be. To understand that not having the latest and greatest doesn’t make you a nerd or a loser, but makes you appreciate life so much more.
So yeah, this year I’d like to award my kids medals for being amazing, resilient, loving, gracious. And they’re damn funny, too. I’m taking consolation in this during the times I feel like the world’s lamest mom when I’m too tired to read a book at bedtime, don’t have a spare minute to cut the edges off a PB&J sandwich, or to build a lego castle. Cause I know my kids are going to be a-okay. Even if I feel like we’re not.
***If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, GET HELP! Contact your local law enforcement agency, department of social services, or check out this site for more information: http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp.php
Every once in a while I get the urge to go into my spam box in my Gmail account and hit “select all” then “delete all.” Although Gmail is pretty good about catching spam and junk mail, I still want to have the satisfaction of hitting that delete button and sending all of these lame emails to email heaven.
Today I did just that. I went into my spam box and wondered WHO sends me this junk? There must have been about 500 emails in there. Do these people really make money with their misspelled words, strange links and odd products they are offering? If not, why do they waste their time? Are there really people who do nothing but send junk mail to the rest of the planet, hoping to infect us all with their little trojans, viruses and worms?
I’d just like to take a moment and mention a few things to all y’all spammers and phishers et. al.:
To all of the dating agencies: as if it’s not enough that you tell me daily, daily! that I’m a loser (can’t get lucky in love >insert email addy here<?), you keep sending me emails about WOMEN!!! For the love of Pete! Get up to speed with your marketing demographics! I’M A GIRL.
Using “Hot Single Asians Chicks” in the subject line does NOT get my attention. If you really want to get my business, use something like “Meet a really great guy – and he’s not married OR gay!” Maybe then I’ll check it out. Maybe.
Condom people: How on earth do I manage to win a “lifetime supply of condoms” almost every month? Mathematically speaking, if I’d won a lifetime supply last month, I doubt I’ve used them all by THIS month. Besides, I’m a loser and need an online dating agency, therefore I really don’t have much use for condoms at the moment.
Come to think of it, the online dating service people should share their information with the free condom people: only send the condom emails to the people who are actually in a relationship.
And to all of my long lost relatives in Uganda, as well as friends the political outcasts of Nigeria: please, I’d love to make 15% of your $1,000,000,000,000 funds. If only I could help you, “beloved friend, dearest one.” I’m just a little worried about my tax return. Maybe next year.
To Robert Allen, Russ Dalbey: Tell you what, send me your bank account number and I’ll have my dearest beloved friends in Uganda and Nigeria transfer you some money.
I don’t need a lifetime supply of Viagra. I’m a girl. (See above).
I DON’T want a free giftcard to >Applebees, Red Lobster etc< after signing up for another great offer, which costs me about 5 times more than the gift card.
For you Phishers: I DO NOT HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH WACHOVIA!!! I do NOT need to change my password or reset my accounts at Bank of America or CitiBank or Ebay.
I’m amazed that these keep making the rounds. Who, exactly, is encouraging these people!?!?
Oh, the days where “Spam” was only used in conversations that went something like this:
“Would you like some fried Spam with that?”
“Ew gross! No!”
…and phishing was just a misspelling for an afternoon sports event with your uncle out on the lake. Simpler times, people. Simpler times.
If you receive emails requesting you log in with your account information, please do not follow the link. It is likely a phishing email. Contact your financial institution directly and help stop phishers from stealing personal and private information: visit the United States Computer Emergency Readiness site for more information or to report phishing.
Set spam filters on your email programs to help prevent and block bothersome spam from being delivered into your email inbox.
If you get an offer that seems too good to be true… yeah you guessed it: it IS. If you aren’t sure, do some research on the net. Snopes is a great site to use to help determine validity of claims, hoaxes and chain mail.