My Blah-Blah-Blog

Without sounding boastful, my kids really are good kids, so I suppose I’ll keep them around. Neither of them went through the terrible two’s, although they had a few rough patches at 3. And while we’ve had our issues, we use communication to get through our problems and we’ve made it through some really trying times that have impacted us and could have really made a dent in our personal character.

I treat my children with the respect that any human being, young or old, big or small, deserves. I want them to enjoy their life. On the flip side, enjoying life isn’t just about being treated with respect, it’s getting grounded when you need to be grounded, it’s reprimand, it’s discipline, it’s structure.

So here’s what all the fuss is about:

My kids know when I’m on the phone, some rules are automatically in place. Turn the TV down, keep your voices down, and don’t interrupt unless you have a legitimate emergency.

Hopefully I tell them I’m on the phone. But if they don’t know because they didn’t see me pick up the phone, and come running in from outside “Mom! Mom! Guess what I found!” well then it is up to ME to tell my phone person, “Just a minute please” and inform my child I’m on the phone and will come see shortly. And if that can’t happen, then I can point at the phone and give them the “just a minute” finger and hope they get it.

I don’t think that’s rude. I don’t think it makes my kid rude.  I don’t think ANYONE should be offended, regardless of the tone or seriousness of our conversation, if I have to let someone know I’m on the phone.

Last night I had such a situation. I was on the phone having what felt like one of the most important and serious conversations of my life. It had the potential to blow up easily since emotions were high and vulnerability was evident on both sides. Behind closed doors and late into the evening, I figured the conversation was safe from interruption. I had waited on purpose for it to be a little later so that I could have such an ideal interruption-free time.

Knock knock.

Okay, so someone is knocking at my bedroom door. Whichever child it was didn’t know I was on the phone, and they were respectful of my privacy by knocking on the door.

What exactly should a parent do? Ignore the knock? Or open the door to see if there’s an emergency?

I chose the latter. I informed my conversation mate that someone was knocking to please hold on just a moment while I check to see if everything is a-ok.

Well there was my poor daughter, blood dribbling down her chin, her mouth filling with blood and saliva, her eyes wide open in the dark, and a tooth – what looked like an adult tooth – in her hand.

“Could I please call you back in a sec? My kid is bleedin!”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew my non-kid friendly phone mate would not be happy, and sure enough their response was an irritated reply that let me know I had offended them, made them feel unimportant and not-a-priority.

I flipped on the light, yanked my kid’s mouth open, realized she’d just lost a baby molar and it was just bleeding more than normal, told her to rinse gently and she’d be okay. I managed to call my phone mate back within a minute, knowing everything was good,

…but that wasn’t good enough for them. It caused our whole conversation to go downhill from there. They were really mad that I got off the phone – that apparently it wasn’t THAT big of a deal to begin with since I was able to call back so soon anyway.

And honestly, it hurt me more than anything. Not because my non-kid friendly phone mate was annoyed at the situation, but that they didn’t care about my feelings for my child. That they decided to use this as a perfect example of my kids interrupting “all the time.”

Do people not realize that children don’t have their shit together and make mistakes? That even the best, brightest, most polite child can do something that will rub someone else the wrong way?

I’ve done everything to shield my phone mate from any potential irritation from kids. Including, to my own shame, tossing them to bed early or allowing extra video game time so that we could have more time to chat or hang out. I  pushed the limits with my kids for my own benefit and selfishness.

And, as children always will do, they reacted to it by wanting MORE of my time.

Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember feeling like an eternity was passing by waiting for your mom to get off the phone? For your dad to come home? For the car trip to end? Do you remember getting older and feeling like people didn’t treat you fairly or give you a chance to prove you could be responsible? I did. I tried my best but I remember feeling really let-down when I wanted to prove I’d learned from lessons taught but nobody would give me a chance. I remember hearing family members talk down to me in condescending tones just because I was younger. I’m talking early teen young – old enough to be taken more seriously than I was, but not having a “I know it all” attitude. Not yet anyway.

So being a mom myself, I try to remember how I felt when my parents, peers or adults in my life made me feel small, stupid or insignificant. I HATED asking if I could get something, do something, and the reply was “I’ll think about it” or “maybe, we’ll see.”  What does that mean!? I had to sit and wait it out, minutes, hours, days… it would have been nice to have more information or a flat-out no.

All these things I try to remember with my own kids. I try to give them appropriate information when necessary, so they GET why I say no when I do, or yes when I do, so that if the situation presents itself again, they can already have an idea of this or that is appropriate or possible. It’s helped TONS when going to the store and I *know* my kids want to get something in the checkout lane. I am proud to say my children have never, ever pitched a fit at the grocery store. Sure, they’ve been cranky at the end of a long shopping trip, fussy, hungry and tired, but never something out of my control. I’ve never allowed it to happen, and I’ve staved off such fits by setting standards for them and creating a situation to minimize such risks. For example, don’t take your toddler to the store at nap time or snack time. Duh.

Still wondering where I’m going with this? Read on my dear friend.