My Blah-Blah-Blog

Yeah, it’s hard to do. I mentioned that in my last post. I’ve been listening to break-up songs all morning and I’m finding that I relate to a lot of the emotions and feelings written into the songs, but not always the situation behind the meaning of the song. In other words, many of those tortured-souls wrote about the loss of love usually because someone cheated or left them or just went plumb-crazy.

My situation is different. I *love* my newly “ex” ex-boyfriend. As in, a lot. And unfortunately for both of us, he still loves me too.

You know that Shakespearean phrase “star-crossed lovers”??? Look it up in the dictionary, our picture is there next to it.

Let me tell you a little about this awesome ex of mine: he’s awesome. He’s adorable. He’s thoughtful and romantic and damn funny. I’ve dated him longer than I’ve dated anyone else in my life, and I’ve had beautiful, wonderful experiences with him that I’ve not had with anyone else. Ever.

You’re probably wondering “What the heck! Don’t break up! True love is hard to find! Make it work! Sacrifice for it! Do anything for it! Too many people are lonely and looking for love and you found the real deal!? You are an idiot to walk away!!!”

I’m thinking the same thing, trust me. But don’t forget that star-crossed thingie. The cheated by the cosmos, God played a cruel trick on us realization that we’ve both had on-and-off the past few months.

See, this awesome guy is quite a bit younger than me (hold off on the cougar jokes. I’m sensitive right now). He’s not been married before and is currently enjoying his life as a successful entrepreneur working on his own terms, going out when he wants, where he wants, spending money on what he wants, when he wants.

Me? Single mom of two. That should stir up enough stereotypes for you to now say “Oh, I get it.” Don’t get me wrong, my kids are GOOD KIDS. They’re well behaved, respectful, empathetic and good kids. But they’re still kids which means they demand a lot of energy, attention and focus. So when an awesome guy is dating an awesome gal who is also a mom, he’s gotta be ready and willing to share the attention, love and focus.

Awesome ex guy has done a great job of that, really. Especially since he’s never really hung out around kids. He’s been open and honest with me at every step of the way and we’ve worked so hard to tweak things here and there to make sure everyone all around is happy and feeling like they’re getting their fair share of the mom/girlfriend attention.

But it all comes down to this: I don’t want to just date people for the next (insert unknown number of weeks, months or years here).  While I’m not looking for a new dad for my kids (Lord knows I’ve spend their entire lives caring for them solo, and I can do it all by myself tyvm) I do want someone who at least GETS kids, and is okay that sometimes I can’t be available to them because I have a kid puking on me or needing help with homework or just needs some extra mom time because of a bad day.

We went into this relationship knowing what each other wanted: me, to settle down at some point, maybe have one more little bundle of joy in a loving, caring, secure relationship and experience parenting with a partner. Him: well those sorts of things aren’t out of the question, but they aren’t something he wants to happen in the next 5-10 years.

I sort of realized that things needed to come to a halt sooner rather than later this past Superbowl Sunday. It was a catastrophe of the most uncomfortable proportions that made me realize that I can’t always be me and the kids and my guy, that I have to (more often than not) put them in the background, or the bottom of the totem pole, to give 100% to this relationship. It made me feel like I had to be two people: Victoria the girlfriend and Victoria the mom.

Don’t get me wrong: us women SHOULD keep that separate ‘identity’ for times we’re with our spouses or partners otherwise we may as well wipe their bottoms, too. What I’m talking about here is being TWO different people and the two aren’t allowed to mingle or meet. It’s hard enough to switch gears after a day of working, mothering, cooking and cleaning and then be cute and energetic in a relationship. It’s not just single moms that struggle with burnout at the end of the day, my married gal-pals do, too.

Anyhoo. it’s an impossible situation. One of us has to give up and sacrifice BIG time: he’d have to give up his single carefree days of bachelorhood. Me: I’d have to wait 5-10 years to get married or maybe have a baby IF we stayed together that long, and by that time I don’t know that I’d be able to or want to anymore.

So you see, it’s just not gonna work out without some major undertakings that neither of us are 100% sold on doing. While I’d do just about anything for the awesome ex, I don’t know if I could give up ME. And I don’t want to ask him to give up, well, HIM.

Sucks.