So, how ’bout you? Gotta make it through a tough break-up? It’s possible to do, even though right now you probably feel like climbing into a hole and crying your eyes out for the rest of your life. I know I do.

Just take a deep breath and from here on out think with your head more than you think with your heart. And maybe take in a little of what I have to say.

First of all, remember that a relationship – romantic or otherwise – is based on emotions.  It only stands to reason that all of the emotional buildup and bliss and romantic giddy feelings leading to your relationship has to come down the other side of the hill. It’s painful, heart-wrenching, and it hurts oh-so-bad. This is one of the times in life where you really have to buckle down, prepare yourself for the torrent of emotions that are going to come up (and may be worse on some days more than others). I gotta repeat a concept for you here: you absolutely have GOT to do your best to think everything through with your head to get through this! You cannot rely on emotions to define your reality.

The next important thing to remember is this: be mature about the break-up. Sure, your feelings are probably hurt. You may be really mad at your new ‘ex’. But listen: it wasn’t so long ago that you loved this person (and probably still do). Remember the good things about your ex, the things that made you enjoy their company and your relationships. Don’t focus on how or why you broke up. The fact is, none of those things matter now as you walk through this initial phase of your break-up. Honestly, thinking about the negatives will only hurt you and draw out the process. Trying to figure out the why or the how of the breakup could set you back: you will want to try to get him or her back even though you’ve reached the conclusion that you shouldn’t be together, or you may manipulate your ex to take you back just so you don’t have to experience this pain (or allow yourself to be manipulated!).

Along the lines of being mature, don’t bad-mouth your ex, regardless of what he or she has done. Take the higher road and leave it be. Any potential future dates don’t want to hear you badmouth your current ex. He or she may take that as a big red flag. Avoid the drama, let it go. Stop contacting your ex, even if it’s an amicable split. This doesn’t have to be permanent, but you really do need a few days to get all of these emotions out of your system!

And lastly, take some time to let those emotions out. Cry a few nights in a row, be sad about whatever you want to be sad about: the loss of the relationship, loss of a friendship, all the good memories you had. You may feel like you’ll never love anyone this much ever again. You may feel rejected, betrayed, angry. Allow each emotion to surface, take a look at why you think you’re experiencing it, and let it be for a few minutes. Trying to stuff your emotions to just move on may help you for the short-term, but in the long-run it will reach a potentially explosive level and you might find yourself having a melt-down in the middle of the grocery store or at work.

Oh there’s so much about life that is good and bad. Take the bad in stride and look for what else is out there that is good. More on that in follow-up posts.

Sad today? Find something that brings you joy and go do it. Have lunch with a friend, do some retail therapy, go for a jog. Make sure it’s something that you really enjoy and can do without pining or wistful thinking.

*hugs*