Today I did just that. I went into my spam box and wondered WHO sends me this junk? There must have been about 500 emails in there. Do these people really make money with their misspelled words, strange links and odd products they are offering? If not, why do they waste their time? Are there really people who do nothing but send junk mail to the rest of the planet, hoping to infect us all with their little trojans, viruses and worms?

I’d just like to take a moment and mention a few things to all y’all spammers and phishers et. al.:

To all of the dating agencies: as if it’s not enough that you tell me daily, daily! that I’m a loser (can’t get lucky in love >insert email addy here<?), you keep sending me emails about WOMEN!!! For the love of Pete! Get up to speed with your marketing demographics! I’M A GIRL.

Using “Hot Single Asians Chicks” in the subject line does NOT get my attention.  If you really want to get my business, use something like “Meet a really great guy – and he’s not married OR gay!” Maybe then I’ll check it out. Maybe.

Condom people: How on earth do I manage to win a “lifetime supply of condoms” almost every month? Mathematically speaking, if I’d won a lifetime supply last month, I doubt I’ve used them all by THIS month. Besides, I’m a loser and need an online dating agency, therefore I really don’t have much use for condoms at the moment.

Come to think of it, the online dating service people should share their information with the free condom people: only send the condom emails to the people who are actually in a relationship.

And to all of my long lost relatives in Uganda, as well as friends the political outcasts of Nigeria: please, I’d love to make 15% of your $1,000,000,000,000 funds. If only I could help you, “beloved friend, dearest one.”  I’m just a little worried about my tax return. Maybe next year.

To Robert Allen, Russ Dalbey:  Tell you what, send me your bank account number and I’ll have my dearest beloved friends in Uganda and Nigeria transfer you some money.

I don’t need a lifetime supply of Viagra. I’m a girl. (See above).

I DON’T want a free giftcard to >Applebees, Red Lobster etc< after signing up for another great offer, which costs me about 5 times more than the gift card.

For you Phishers: I DO NOT HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH WACHOVIA!!! I do NOT need to change my password or reset my accounts at Bank of America or CitiBank or Ebay.

I’m amazed that these keep making the rounds. Who, exactly, is encouraging these people!?!?

Oh, the days where “Spam” was only used in conversations  that went something like this:

“Would you like some fried Spam with that?”

“Ew gross! No!”

…and phishing was just a misspelling for an afternoon sports event with your uncle out on the lake. Simpler times, people. Simpler times.

If you receive emails requesting you log in with your account information, please do not follow the link. It is likely a phishing email. Contact your financial institution directly and help stop phishers from stealing personal and private information: visit the United States Computer Emergency Readiness site for more information or to report phishing.

Set spam filters on your email programs to help prevent and block bothersome spam from being delivered into your email inbox.

If you get an offer that seems too good to be true… yeah you guessed it: it IS. If you aren’t sure, do some research on the net. Snopes is a great site to use to help determine validity of claims, hoaxes and chain mail.